"I SLOWLY SLIPPED AWAY FROM FRIENDSHIPS AND FELT GUILTY BEING IN SOCIAL SCENES WITHOUT HIM."

Hi. Thank you for this space to share my story. I still have a lot of shame and sometimes sexual trauma from this. I was involved with a classmate in college for several years. We started hanging out in my freshman year and spent time alone together. After a few weeks this man I considered a friend raped me. It’s hard to say out loud so I don’t. I tried to say no but he ignored me so I just stopped saying anything. I didn’t fight it. I just sort of shut down. After this event, I reached out to the sexual assault prevention person in the health center but I chose not to report it out of fear and because I wanted to believe my friend didn’t mean to do this. I avoided him for several months while I fought depression and shame. The next year our friendship resumed and we had a sexual relationship for over two years and I allowed him to do things to me that were not comfortable. I didn’t feel comfortable speaking up for myself because he gaslit me. I now understand this was a trauma bond. But it still brings me a lot of shame that I could allow that.